Back to Market & Advice for Newbies

Back to Market

My feet were swollen and hurting. Not surprising after spending over a week going barefoot and standing on concrete floors sans Ecco shoes avec orthotics (l REALLY hate thieves). Despite this, Suzanne insisted that I go with her to market so she wouldn't have to go alone. So, I did.

We're learning more where things are. We found a guy who has a refrigerator (of which there are only 2 in the whole town that we know of) and sells powdered milk. His name is Mahatmet Samir. He also has these UNbelievable seasame seed snacks from Egypt. Then, around the corner are the bakers stall, with open, mud brick ovens. Good stuff. While there, there was a guy from the next stall who tried desperately to sell me some really dirty, ugly roots of some kind. He's the only guy I've seen smoking here, ever. Anyway, I didn't entirely understand his French, and he clearly didn't understand my saying I didn't need any roots, thank you (turns out you should never simply say "No." because it's offensive to reject someone's goods... so I've learned to say "I don't need any, thank you.") I had just finished a cold drink in an aluminum can from the Mahatmet's fridge, so I told him in quick plain English (which of course, he didn't understand in the least), "I tell ya what, buddy... I'm gonna just give you this can so you can use it as an ashtray, would you like that?" "Oui," he said. So I handed him the can and tried to take his hand, holding his cigarette, and tap his long ash into the hole I was just drinking through. He didn't get it. Everyone else around him seemed to though, as they laughed.

From there, after paying about 65 cents for 3 small round loaves of bread, we cut through a few buildings/shacks where the taylors can be seen running the foot powered circa 1890 Singer sewing machines. They'd been conspicuously absent for the past few days and we learned that was because as a group, they refuse to pay the market place tax. The Police had been looking for them, so they'd been hiding. We stopped by and talked with the Arab cloth salesman that sold Suzanne her cloth for her dress (and sells AMAZING tea). Using some Enlish, some French, and a bit of Arab, I told him I had cloth and wanted a traditional pair of clothes made by an Arab taylor, in a certain style... and a turban, not a cap. I was told to come back tomorrow in the afternoon for measurements, and that the turban would be available in one week.

The walk to and from market is always punctuated by voices calling out "Nasara!" as you pass by. It occured to the three of us Americans that if the situation were reversed, we could NEVER get away with what these people were doing to us. Imagaine... a couple of white Americans out somewhere just minding their own business in San Francisco or Atlanta when these two guys from Africa walk past. They don't really speak Enlish, they've just arrived and really only know a few words of English. One American thrusts his hand through the air as he repeatedly points at the Africans and calls out loudly for all to hear, "Blackie! Blackie!" That would never, EVER be tolerated. BUT... here in Africa, doing the reverse is perfectly OK. Call me "Honkey." How about "Cracker." "Nasara." Same thing.

Actually, they call Suzanne's skin color red. They paused a bit when asked about mine, and still called me white (I can't help it. I'm taking Doxycycline, and I'll get a monster sunburn if I try to tan.)

Things you don't want to hear in the mission field: "Hey Cobos! Are those your shoes that the goalkeeper is wearing?"


Advice for Newbies

Friendly mission tip #1: When packing important things to bring along, consider the Navy Seal slogan, "Two is one, and one is none."
Friendly mission tip #2: While in the WC, consider the water conservationist's motto, "If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down."
Friendly mission tip #3: As you shop at the market, recall that your thickly accented conversation starting with "How much does ... cost?", is quickly and universally interpreted as meaning, "I want to barter. I have much money to spend. I have no idea how much I should be paying for what you're selling me. Make an opening bid and you will enjoy yourself and make a killing while haggling over the price with me."
Friendly mission tip #4: When visiting the locals, DO NOT insult them by turning down their offer to drink some tea. EVEN though it's 95 degrees in the shade where you're sitting together, AND the tea is actually steaming.
Friendly mission tip #5: It's OK to shake hands with everybody, even though you don't know them, don't know what's been on their hands, don't know if they even know how to wash their hands, they pick their rotten teeth or pick their nose with more than one finger while they shake hands with you. Just wash your own hands before touching your face. And, if there's water that night at the house... take 3 showers.
Friendly mission tip #6: If you can actually see a stinger on the wasp as it flies by, DO NOT (I repeat) DO NOT take a swing at it with your bare hand. Use the fly swatter. It's probably next to the stove.
Friendly mission tip #7: When you feel something crawling in your pants, DO NOT smash it directly against your skin. Instead, grip it between two bunched up layers of clothing using your fingers... THEN smash it to death, letting its crunchy remnants fall harmlessly out your pant leg as you walk away as if nothing at all out of the ordinary has just transpired.
Friendly mission tip #8: Remember, every time you use toilet paper right now to blow your nose, brings you that many more little paper squares closer to having to use your left hand later on... in the end (so to speak).
Friendly mission tip #9: Hear me now and believe me later on, but when the soldier holding the Kalishnikov machine gun in his lap and riding in the back of the only functioning automobile within a 50 mile radius shakes his finger in the universally understood "No no" motion as you raise your digital camera in his general direction... DO NOT take his picture (while he's still looking).
Friendly mission tip #10: BEFORE cracking ANY eggs, check to see if it floats. An egg that sinks will likely taste good. If it floats, keep it in a secure location, preferably under lock and key, ready to be launched by hand or slingshot in case civil war breaks out. You will be on the winning side.

Things you don't want to hear in the mission field: "You know, the medical officers on night shift use that sink to pee in."